I have been getting a lot of questions around what a new sub should expect as they start thinking about the lifestyle and how to safely get involved. Most recently I got the following message and I felt many of My followers may also benefit from this so I am publishing My response. (I replied privately to the message but here is her basic message and My response)
I’m kind of just exploring my interest into the life style.. not just the porn side I’ve been enjoying for years, but the potential of actually getting into a sub-dom relationship myself.. I just have a question.. Do you think most dom’s expect you to submit to them right off the hop? or will there be more of a build up in submission.. ? Another question.. when you started getting involved int he life style how exactly did you do it?
If a Dom expects you to submit right away, just move on because he doesn’t know a thing. He would be very ignorant to expect that. Be polite and respectful just like when you meet anybody in life. That should be the only expectation when you first meet a Dom. Remember, you have the the gift to give. He has to earn it. He has to prove himself worthy of your submission. That doesn’t happen immediately. It happens after lots of conversations over time. Then its proven in small steps through shared experiences. In the most extreme sense you are putting your life in someone’s hands…make sure you trust them to take care of you.
I started a long time ago before the internet was widely available. I was in college and My girlfriend and I just found we liked kinky play. She liked Me in charge in the bedroom and she was naturally submissive. At the time I did not know about BDSM or that there was a lifestyle of kinky people. I just knew My girlfriend and I were different and I liked it. I started making more decisions outside of the bedroom over time, and she responded positively to that. We ended up breaking up but I knew I liked a different kind of relationship. Eventually, I learned on the internet that there were names and definitions for all the stuff I liked and I have been attracted to the lifestyle ever since.
You should read as much as you can (blogs, books, websites), talk to experienced Doms like myself, talk to other submissives, and that way to can form an opinion on what characteristics you want in a potential Dom. The more you know about who you are and what you want in a Dom, and in a D/s relationship, the better off you will be. Of course being brand new to this you will not have all the answers but over time, as you learn, everything will start to fall in place and you can form that picture of what you want.
The butterflies in our tummies are dead.
Mushy rotting maggot infested butterfly carcasses
Slowly being digested
Causing my stomach to turn
I can’t get out of my head
Nauseous and tired
My head congested
I need to purge, get everything out.
No longer am I the willing host
Nothing left but compost
It’s sad but true,
I killed the butterflies that we both knew
I wrote this back a month ago when I was hurting. I am posting it now only because I like this and I am proud of it. Writing has been a nice release for Me lately and I wanted to share this.
The Business Trip - Part 4 (End)
He is not sitting in the seat next to you and you wonder where he went since the plane was so full. As you sit back down you wonder when that magical egg is going to start up again even though it’s getting harder and harder not to cum each time it goes off. Your eyes slowly close and you drift off into a deep sleep while thinking about how badly you want your Master.
The Business Trip - Part 3
The plane has an uneventful takeoff and your 7 hour flight has begun. After the drink and dinner service is done the cabin lights are dimmed for those trying to get some sleep on the overnight flight. Being so excited to see your Master you are not tired and so you start doing a crossword puzzle as you listen to music. After about an hour your eyes start to get heavy and so you close them and start thinking of seeing you Master. All of a sudden the egg in your pussy starts to vibrate! You open your eyes and look around but everyone you can see is resting with their eyes closed. The purr of the vibe is really starting to make your pussy wet and your breathing is getting shallow. You think to yourself that Master might be on the plane and you immediately get even more excited. You dig your finger nails into your thighs as the excitement is building to very high levels and then the egg stops. You gasp and think “noooo” to yourself. You are so horny and there is nothing you can do as you remember Master’s orders to not cum.
The Business Trip - Part 2
Looking at your watch its time to head to the airport. You call the cab company and wait outside for the cab to show up. The cabbie smiles and mentally undresses you as he pulls up and sees you standing there in your sexy sun dress and high heels. You feel a tingle between your legs as you feel sexy by his gaze. He throws your suitcase in the trunk and opens the door for you to get in the back seat. You all of a sudden realize that there is no way for you to get into this car without your skirt riding way up and giving him a show. The words from your Master play through your head so you take a deep breath and step into the car. Your skirt slides right up and you feel your bare ass hit the backseat of the cab. The cabbie smiles as your neatly trimmed thin line of pubic hair is staring him in the face. You quickly bring your legs together and pull down your skirt while blushing. You start thinking to yourself that if the cabbie wanted to touch me I would have to let him per Master’s orders. Then you feel even more wetness building between your legs.
The ride to the airport was hot as the cab did not have air conditioning. You feel the beads of sweat forming between your legs and the hot vinyl of the car seat. The pony tail your hair is in is helping to keep the back of your neck cool but you still feel sticky and hot all over. The road is bumpy and each time the cab hits a bump the egg moves just enough inside of you make you notice. Each time you get a little more excited and as you think about meeting your Master you unconsciously squeeze your legs together trying to somehow massage your clit.
The Business Trip - Part 1
The Business Trip
It was Sunday morning and you just finishing making yourself a cup of tea when the phone rang. The voice on the other end was familiar. “Get the package in your mailbox and follow the instructions. I will see you tomorrow” Click went the phone. Your heart started to beat faster as you wondered what your Master had in store for you. You took a quick sip of tea, threw your robe on and ran out to the mail box. Inside there was a large envelope with a small box attached to it. you grabbed it and ran back inside.
you flopped onto the couch and you started to open the envelope. Inside you found a letter and a plane ticket. The letter says:
The airline tickets are for a flight to Paris and it leaves tonight at 6pm. you are to wear your blue sundress and heels. you may bring a coat in case you get chilly. Other than that you are to wear nothing else….
Pack enough clothes for 5 days. If anyone on the plane tries to touch you I order you to let them. you will make your pussy, ass, and tits available for anyone that wants them.
Once in Paris you will take a cab to 75 L’aventure Rue in Paris. You will find me having coffee and reading the paper at one of the tables. You are to sit in the chair to my right.
Inside the box attached to this envelop is a vibrating egg. Make sure it is in your pussy before you leave for the airport. You are not to remove it until I tell you to. Also, you are not to cum until I command you to.
Rarely does one have full knowledge or perfect information in making a decision. Good leaders analyze the data they have and make the best decision they can with the information at hand.
Objective, cold, raw, data…
Stagnation is not an option. To move forward you must set a course and sail.
Oh but in matters of the heart none of this is relevant. The heart is supremely subjective, completely willing to ignore all facts and data, and bring you on the greatest adventures imaginable.
It also knows how to show you the apocalypse.
Which soul are you… cold and calculating or adventurous and brave?
Do you decide where to go or do you close your eyes, hang on tight, and follow your heart?
There is no wrong answer… it’s your journey…its called life.
Because of you I choose a different path.
A path to be a better Man.
A Man worthy of your submission and a Man who will Own you forever.
I was recently asked about the intimacy of D/s verse the pain side of play and full time submission (24/7) and what I thought of it. Instead of replying to the ask I decided to post a reply because I wanted to share with My followers and the character limits in the ask would never be enough room. This response has a high probability of going into more details than the person was expecting but I hope she finds all of this helpful.
D/s is the most intimate, real, intense love I have ever felt. How does one become more intimate with another? I think through a process of getting to know the other person (communication) and through shared experiences. Trust is also built by shared experiences where one person consistently does what they say they are going to do and consistently does the right thing. What is the right thing? It is whatever the two people in the relationship agree to. It can be anything, but both parties need to understand and accept it. (Communication)
The more you know and share with another, the more intimate your relationship is. Total Power Exchange (TPE) takes this to a whole new level. Trust above all else is necessary for TPE. Love and respect are important, but trust is critical. When a submissive agrees to TPE they are in effect saying “I have no limits and I trust you will take care of me”. While certain activities would be considered hard limits like fucking a dog or eating shit the submissive’s mind set is such that if the Master asked them to eat shit they would. However, this would most certainly lead to the submissive to questioning the Master’s decision making and it could quite possibly lead to the submissive leaving the relationship. When the Master pushes boundaries in the right way and at the appropriate time, when they fuck the mind as well as fuck the body, then the submissive tends to fall deeper in love with the Master. They want to please and serve even more because they LOVE the mind fuck and they trust their Master to keep them safe. Each experience where the sub crosses into a new territory but where their Master brings them back safely creates a deeper bond; a more intimate bond.
I love the feeling of being in control of My slave’s life. I love knowing she will do anything for Me. I also accept and understand the responsibility that comes with it. Each time we play it gets a little more extreme and each time she craves more than the last time. When I hurt her, she is suffering for Me as a sign of her love. Seeing someone I love endure real pain and discomfort is both a turn on and a heartwarming experience. I don’t get off on hurting her. I get off on having so much control that I can hurt her. The power exchange is what is addicting. Holding her and comforting her while the tears subside. Telling her how much I love her and how proud I am that she is willing to endure this makes her feel good about the experience. Endorphins are racing through her body, her head is in a meditative state, almost high, she feels good and then I reassure her she is safe. We kiss and hug and at that moment we are never more connected emotionally. It’s incredibly intimate. It’s intense, addicting, raw, and so pleasurable. This TPE relationship is the most intimate relationship I have even been in. I crave to know everything about lil one. How she thinks, how her body reacts to different stimulation, what she likes and dislikes for food, everything. TPE pushes Me to know her better than she knows herself. It pushes her to know Me very well too. She has dedicated her life to serving Me. That’s a lot of work. She knows My different moods, how I like to be touched and when, what I like to eat, how I like My shirts ironed…and the list goes on and on. We are two halves of a whole…each of us is not complete without the other. Lots of vanilla relationships claim this to, and I don’t disagree, but D/s raises the intensity. It’s like riding the roller coaster instead of the farris wheel.
D/s requires very honest communication as well. In fact, I credit D/s for making Me a much better communicator today than I was 15 years ago. What sometimes seems like obstacles that cannot be overcome do in fact get resolved when two committed people communicate and keep communicating no matter how long or hard until an agreement is reached. These obstacles will bring you closer together when they are settled. It’s another shared experience and makes your relationship more intimate.
In My opinion, a healthy D/s relationship is way more intimate than a vanilla one. It’s more intense too. I know now I could not go back to a vanilla relationship… it would seem boring to Me. D/s is not easier and in fact it’s harder than a vanilla relationship in some ways. But the rewards… ohhh the splendors of being in a healthy, loving, TPE relationship are unparalleled. It’s the most amazing thing I have ever experienced.— aMaster